30 weeks

30 weeks!

When I first found out I was pregnant, I swore I'd never get to taht point where your "anxious" for the baby. I remember myself saying this exact quote to friends & family..."9 months is not nearly enough time to get things ready so I need to start now..." What was I thinking haha, dare I say it, but I am BEYOND ready to meet baby Conner and he still has some cooking to do in there so until than...I'll attempt to wait patiently and enjoy it. We will see how this goes. lol

In the meantime, I wanted to steer away from the normal questions I always fill out. I found this a few days ago and I'm going to fill it out instead. :) 

How did you find out you were pregnant?  By taking a home pregnancy test at my mama's. 
How many?  I think 3boxes, which is 5 tests. I took a whole box by myself, than had my mom run to get more, and than Jeff wanted to continue taking them that night incase I wasn't "doing them right." HA! 6 tests later...SUPRISE we are pregoooo! :)
What were your 1st symptoms?  I'd had some weird cramps that didn't necessarily hurt, but were way different than my normal cramps. I also hadn’t had a period in a while and people kept saying my boobs looked huge.
Who did you tell first?  Mama! Than Jeffrey, than my sister. Than we waited until the shock period was over haha.
Who was with you when you found out?  I was with my mom, I mean at her house, but I had taken the test seriously not thinking it’d be positive so I just went alone, took it and than started texting.  I was a complete mess after seeing the positive sign and I realize not because I was pregnant, but because it was such a big surprise. I’m not a fan of surprises. I like stuff planned and organized down to the nitty gritty.
My 1st reaction:  Not good.  Crying, shaking, and freaking out. For about four minutes
Was your baby planned?  Nope.  Biggest surprise of my (our) life.

How far were you when you found out?  At first I had no idea until I went to the clinic. I remember it was a weekend so I had to wait all weekend to go to the clinic, it was awful. The clinic estimated 6 weeks. Than I went to my doctor’s appointment and he said 9 weeks. .
How did your parents react?  My mom bought my test because she was the one grocery shopping at the time and I threw it in her basket haha. Because I’ve bought them before and nothing turned up and because my doctor had told me the chances of me getting pregnant right now with the problems I had would be hard, she said it was “a waste of money.” Hahahahh. Than she kept saying “your not pregnant. Your not pregnant.” So when I took my test and started screaming down the hall, she stood there really shocked but she's been so supportive and excited. My dad..who I felt would completely explode at me...was SO excited! He was just mad I told him last lol

My baby
Due Date:  July 22nd, 2012
Do you know the sex?  A fabulous little boy
Any names? Conner!
Any Ultrasounds?  I've had three throughout my entire pregnancy. I wish I had more, but what can ya dooo....
Have you heard the heart beat?  Of course. Every month. You can actually hear it if you lay on my tummy. It's so fast and strong.
Who do you think it will look like?  I kind of realized I always picture him in my mind like me just because I saw his nose and I know he got that from me. When it comes down to it though, I hope he has a little bit more of his daddy though so he will be so handsome
Will the baby have siblings?  of coursee.. I'm stoked to settle down for babies now. I don't want anymore for a few years, but I mean I plan on having a big old family, in seattle :)
Have you felt the baby move?  AHHHHH yes he is kicking. my. butt. Literally. I went to the movies with Jeffrey and at this point, sitting in a theatre chair is probably the most uncomfortable thing in the world. I was so restless. and I got so nauseous I had to leave. I think Conner could hear the movie and was reacting to it because he was kicking,rolling,punching me so hard I got SICK. Ever since than though (which was three days ago,) I've realized he's at a whole new powerful stage of kicking. Everyone can see him kick through my tummy. its pretty sweet :)

Miscellaneous
Did you have morning sickness?  Ugh, yes.  Awful
Did you have any cravings?  I’ve basically lived off of the same foods, just in stages. Milk (cold cold cold milk), nacho cheeeese on everything and drum sticks are the current faves. So healthy right? haha ugh
Did you have any mood swings?  Ha!  All of the time.  Jeffrey is a God for dealing with me. it's more just either ecstatic and super happy, or really irritable.
Are you a high risk pregnancy?  Nope.
Any complications?  Nope. thankfully
Formula or Breastfeeding? Breastfeeding
Have you bought anything for the baby yet? Oh he has his own dresser already.  Just clothes and a bassinet so far. I don't want to buy anything until my baby shower.
When did you start to show?  Hm I think I felt like I was showing when I was about 11/12 weeks, but I didn't really look pregnant to complete strangers untill about 17+ weeks
How long could you wear your regular clothes? I still squeeze into regular shirts and pajamas, but I think just within the last month I gave up jeans.
Will you keep the baby’s clothes?Yes! for his brothers :) 
Home or Hospital?  Hospital. 
Natural or Medicated birth?  I want the epidural.  For sure.
Who will be in the delivery room with you?  This has changed a bit lately. At first I was going to have it open to close friends and family, anyone who wanted to be because I think child birth is so life-changing, but I've realized how special this is for Jeff and he wants something a lot more private... he deserves that so were talking about this right now.
Do you think you will need a C-section?  I don't think so because I fill the baby kicking in my ribs which probably means he's where he should be. I'm really rooting to not have a C-section because I don't want to be healing for soooo long.

Will you cry when you hold the baby for the 1st time?  I don't really cry when special things happen, I'm just in a serious state of shock and complete silence. I haven't really imagined this part yet....so we will see.
What’s the 1st thing you might say to the baby?  I love youuu!
Will you let anyone video tape the birth?  ehhh no.
Are you excited?  While this seems like such a easy question, the bare truth that most women won't tell you is all the emotions they feel, exciting being one of them. I've been really nervous (to have everything ready in time), overwhelmed (when I was working too much and going to school because my body just isn't the same and it's exhausting,) blessed (because I feel like this life is the most meaningful. There really isn't any other purpose out there to me that provides more happiness than family.
Who will help you with the baby after the birth?  I moved in with my mom to save money so I could enjoy maternity leave a little better so probably her and my sister, of course Jeffrey.
What is your favorite thing about being pregnant?  I really
What is the worst thing about being pregnant? maybe the swollen ankles sucks the worst or the shortness of breath, nauseous, the headaches, BACKACHES, excessive hair growth....haha i'll stop there. I've realized some women love pregnancy and some women do not. I'm thankful to have such a healthy baby, but pregnancy has worn out it's welcome hahah.
What’s one thing you miss doing since being pregnant?  I miss tanning, and sleeping on my tummy! I also miss walking places like the beach or the mall without excessively worrying I'll have to pee and not make it to a restroom. 
Any days you wish you were not pregnant?  Of course not. I don't mean that sarcastically either lol. I love my baby boy so much. YES the process could be a little nicer on women but I am glad to experience it.
Are you ready for a baby?  I think so!  Ready as we’ll ever be
Do you have insurance?  Health insurance, yes.  Maternity insurance, negative.
How many kids do you want?  the more and more I think about this... I think four is a perfect number because it's pretty big, but nothing too big. That could change, but I'd like four.
Do you talk to the baby? I haven't really talked to him...I know sometimes if I'm in a really sappy mood I say things like "love you little baby." but I mostly rub him and play with him.
Do you still feel attractive? I don't feel ATTRACTIVE like I did before I was pregnant, I mean I'm never looking in the mirror super confident and excited with what I'm wearing, but I don't really feel self-conscious. I mean maybe I should be? but I don't think anyone really looks at anything besides my belly anyways so It's helped.
Have you had your baby shower yet?  It's next month. Can't wait! but actually yes I can. I still have to get Conner's room ready haha.
Do you like kids?  I don't like 'all kids,' I mean I've never been the type of person that went out of my way to play with little kids and stuff, but I'm sure I'll LOVE mine :))))))

How far along are you now?  30 weeks and some days!

 

29 weeks

(*IM CURRENTLY IN THE PROCESS OF MOVING SO I DON'T HAVE MY CHALKBOARD READY. Hopefully it'll be unpacked soon)

How far along? 29 weeks today!

Total weight gain? 25 lbs. as awful as this sounds.. At this point i don't care haha but I do hope I can get it all off as fast as I want it.. I watch and eat as healthy as possible because otherwise, I'm nauseous or throwing up. It's really insane how much you have to eat pregnant. I can't tell you how many times I threw up this month from being hungry, at least 6, it's so hard to change entire eating habits and eat 6x a day.

Maternity clothes? I have a couple pants, but nothing else. I just buy "bigger" sizes. Maternity pants for work have been hard to find so I've boughten like three pairs in the last month of yoga pants. I just wear them under my belly

Sleep? Ooooh It's ok. It's a hit or miss. I haven't had any stories like "I woke up because the baby was kicking so much" haha I sleep right through that so I'm not complaining. I guess the one thing I'll remember about pregnancy is waking up 4-5x for a bathroom break, and getting out of bed is a mission itself because my bed is soooo squishy, i sink in. It's a joke! Hahaa

Miss anything? Um not that I can think of, I think just being comfortable!! Driving is so uncomfortable now, sleeping has its days, showers are a bit weird with my new big belly... So I'm going to appreciate the day I have all of those back with no restriction.

Movement? Conner is a good baby I've realized! I haven't had any horror stories of him stuck in my ribs or kicking too hard. He's a kicker, and mostly at night he will start getting wild in there, but it's cute because Jeff is usually just getting off work so we get to play with him (or try) and talk to him.

Food cravings? I wanted to log the crazy foods that at one point or another I craved during pregnancy (NO NOT AT ONE TIME.. DON'T JUDGE HAHA): famous Dave's, milk, Arby's roast beef sandwiches with nacho cheese, pretzel from target with nacho cheese, ginger ale and Fiji water so far!

Any new habits? It depends on if I'm having "pregnant days" haha. I call a day a Pregnant day if I'm having bad symptoms and pregnancy is too blame (or so I think hahaha) so if I'm a emotional wreck, or throwing up, or tired beyond repair, I have no new habits. Something I've noticed when Is how mellowed out I am. Especially when cleaning comes around or in a argument or If I'm talking to angry customers... I'm really just relaxed and choose my battles now as far as what gets my emotions stirred.

Things making you sick? hmm. No. I only throw up if I'm too hungry or really stressed

Starting to show? Yes!

Best moment this week? this week was chaos between moving, starting summer season at the pools and adjusting to everything. I'd say the best moment was when Jeff felt Conner to his new big kicks. He was so shocked he could kick that strong... It twas adorable :)

26 weeks

"26 weeks, End of our 2nd trimester; one more to go!"

1. Weekly Weights & Measurements: I'm still at about 20 lbs gained since the day I found out I was pregnant. This is a lot more than I originally wanted to gain, but your body isn't really your body when your pregnant. I read an important quote in my favorite pregnancy book that went something like this "Your body is somebody's home right now, it's not really yours....and don't obsess over it by going to the gym every day and working too hard because god forbid if something were ever to happen, you wouldn't want it to be something that could have been prevented" SO...this has been my philosphy on the weight-gain. It doesn't mean I wish I was a little more attractive and obviously didn't blow up this huge, but I guess pregnancy modeling just wasn't in the cards for this girl haha. I will live........
   
2. Tests & their results: I have a glucose test on the 25th too test for diabetes. I never knew this until I was scheduling the appointment, but around this time women get screened for diabetes because during pregnancy, it's much more likely to develop & than go away after pregnancy. There is a big fancy name for it, I don't remember it, I just know long-name-short: diabetes. We will see! Other than that, Jeff and I are debating getting a 3D Ultrasound or not. I am not scheduled to get any more ultrasounds, and I'm so anxious to see what he looks like now that he's a big boy! On the other hand, I think waiting for that big moment of seeing him and not having any clue what he was going to look like is sooooo worth the wait. Right now, it's up in the air, but I think I'm up for waiting for that big surprise :)
3. Reactions to your developing body: I'm really not to bummed out at my new body. I'll admit, it's definitely not a time I'll remember for being extremely confident, but I'm pregnant! I don't really stand in front of the mirror crying at all the unappealing changes because I'm determined and focused on getting rid of them right after the baby is here. Right now I want to focus on stuff I can control, and my body isn't one of those so I haven't been reacting too crazy. What has been pretty wild for me to get use too is the physical changes that happen OVER NIGHT. Being able to get out of bed the same way I have the last 20 years is the first change that's weird getting used too. My back isn't strong enough and strains way too much now if I don't take my time, pace myself and pull myself up with all my muscles. My belly is also super big now, I swear it happen over night, and get's in the way of me crossing my feet and curling up like I have my whole life. It's just not comfy and feels like I'm cutting off my airways somewhere haha.
   
4. Questions to ask the doctor: I am asking my doctor a bunch of questions at my next doctor's visit. Some of them that I have written down are:
   
   • What do Braxton Hicks Contractions feel like
     
   • What type of birth controls are out there and the differences between them
   • When can I get back on birth control after delivery?
     
   • Any suggestions for birthing classes
     
   • My salt intake- how it effects me
5. Cravings and Mood Swings: I haven't been craving anything besides Rocky Road Ice-Cream. Love that stufff! and my moods are pretty consistent this week. I noticed myself being really deep & sentimental today lol. I was asking Jeff a million questions about his childhood because I feel like I should know him more for dating him for 6 years so if I found a scar on his back, I asked him to tell me the story and I can listen to him talk for hours & getting so excited to have these two boys in my life, Conner & Jeffrey Doran :)
6. Changes happening to the body and the mind: This week I called my nurse in a freak panic, and was really close to driving to the hospital. Long story short, I woke up and had severe SEVVERE swelling in my feet and ankles. they were so swollen, I couldn't even put my feet in my shoes, and I was really scared about preeclampsia. Preeclampsia is a disease that women sometimes develop in Pregnancy and it can't be prevented. It's really harmful to the baby and mother, and one of the biggest symptoms are swelling & vomiting (both of these I had all week which is why I was freaking out.) Anyways, the doctor had told me that based off the stuff I told her I was eating, I could be reacting really sensitively too salt and swelling when a meal had too much salt for my body's liking. I elevated my legs all night, and found that she was right! My feet were all better the next morning, but they do swell up based off what I eat. What sucks is not having the time to make everything I should be eating. My nurse told me that even eating mac-n-cheese out of the box is filled with salt and unhealthy, but I realistically will not find time to sit at home and make 30 minutes meals all day! I have started paying attention the sodium intake I digest, and keeping it under/around the max count she told me.....It' s hard work, but I'm glad it's nothing that could harm the baby! and my nurse........she's such a Biiiiiiiotch. She's so judgmental, and I feel like she talks down to me every time I call. I was really stubborn at first and didn't think she was right, but she was haha. I feel really good about naming our son Conner! It sounds perfect, and I know I love it because everytime a child runs by me and I even think I heard the mom call him Conner, I go up to her and tell her how cute his name is and ask what the middle name is lol! Jeff doesn't really like the spelling CONNOR, he likes CONNER a lot better, and I'm not opposed to it so if it's something he's really passionate about than CONNER it is. I really like the name: Conner Dean Doran or Conner Riley Doran (Jefff hates Riley so I'm not sure if I'll win this one any time soon.) Other than that, the names are being eliminated and we are getting close!!
   
   * I also am so proud of baby boy for his big kicks! He kicks so tough now it makes my tummy rock, and if a blanket is laying on time, it fluffs up a little if he's doing his summersaults. It's the best feeling!! His kicks keep me grounded. If I ever start getting too emotional, or too exhausted from pregnancy, his kicks keep me motivated. I love him so much!
   

25 weeks, Happy Easter!

PREGGGGO!

How far along: 25 weeks.

Total Weight Gain: do we have to talk about this? hahah it's like 19 lbs. I feel like I've put on a total of 55lbs though. my back is in bad condition, i ended up seeing a doctor for the sharp pains and I see a chiropractor about once a week. And as of last week, I can't get myself out of bed entirely on my own using my back lol, it's more like a roll-to-the-side, use your arms and legs, "let's hope we're lucky" process now getting out of bed haha.

Maternity Clothes: I dont think I could own anything otherwise at this point! The only thing not maternity is my pajamas. I bought some lounging shorts a couple months ago, and loved them, but there super snug now so it's time to invest in some more.... I have one pair of yoga pants that I wear like daily to work, i can't even tell you how much I hate putting those on every morning. I miss having a closet full of amazing options, but my maternity jeans are nothing to complain about :) love those babies.

Sleep: alright, this is the worst. I swear I'm pulling in around 3 hours of sleep a night? I can't wait till my next doctor visit to see what he recommended for this because I'm barely getting by. I know a lot of the reason I can't sleep is I'm just getting use to Connor's kicks and he especially kicks and somersaults at night, but last night I was feeling really anxious. My anxiety was through the roof every time I would wake up, I felt like crap, so I think, subconsciously, I'm getting really nervous now that baby kicks are there and my house is slowly feeling up with baby furniture! Even right now, I woke up like two hours ago, and I feel like it's nap time already. lol :/

Miss anything: Yes! I'm coming up to the end of my second trimester, and my baby is HUGE, therefore, I'm huge. Being huge has never been more uncomfortable, especially with a incredibly important tummy to protect, when I do try to bike ride & squat. Jeff has been really awesome about pushing me to keep working out and as much as I complain, cry and hate him for it...after that hour, I'm super thankful lol. I'm missing wine! and my hair has grown an incredible amount (as amazing as that sounds..yes I'm about to complain again.......it's awful to tame and straighten and control...haha)

Movement: Yes! He's a kicker, and I can feel him strong enough to track his movement. It's a scary feeling when he naps too long, and I don't feel him kick, so I'm learning the different ways that get him kicking lots. So far, I've figured out that the three, never to fail, "let's get connor kicking" strategies are 1)drink an entire bottle of water 2) lay on my back, flat and wait about 60 seconds 3)eat an entire meal, a little pass the point of comfort. and kicks feel great, for the most part.

Food Cravings: I have Arby's once a day! When I look back to this pregnancy, I'll remember how thankful I was for Arby's!


Things making you sick yet: I just get really nauseious if I can't get too food fast enough, or skip breakfest. This is actually a big change for me because the baby needs this food to grow, but more times than not, I'm not hungry & my body will get sick from not eating. I've learned to control this and I've learned when I need food, but this is about the only reason I ever get sick.

Starting to show yet: Oooooooooh yes. I'm rocking swollen ankles, huge boobs and the baby bump! 100% pregnant

Best moment this week:

• We registered at babies-r-us! It was so fun, and also so scary, because I had no idea what some of that stuff was in there. I learned eventually, and I'd say I'm pretty pro-status now haha, but at first I was just about binkies & bibs. I didn't know the first thing about humidifiers, swaddle blankets, breast pumps.
• We decided on doing Connor's room with the Lion King Crib set! It's seriously to die for.I love it so much!
• 
  
• Easter has been the only holiday I could really celebrate during my pregnancy so my sisters, dad and brother painted my belly with a cute little easter egg!
  
  
  

Hormones maybe?

Before I am a mom, and before I'm a girlfriend, I'm CARRIE. I'm so proud of the person I am, and I'm always working hard to make sure my loved ones are happy... but pregnancy sometimes plays with your emotions.


Coping with stress is one of the hardest things to do pregnant. Your still the same person you were before you got pregnant therefore, the same things aggravate you and upset you, but getting too stressed out hurts the baby so in order to deal with it, I've just ignored everything., and in the process forgotten who I am. I've had my share of mood swings this pregnancy, and currently I have days where I just feel like nothing about me specifically matters, it's everyone else.

Pregnancy is one of the most amazing things life has to offer, but just like everything else in life, there are parts of it that are extremely hard to deal with (any mom who says different is lying! I know it.) I've been left up at nights worried about my new role as a mom, how our financial situation will be, the physical changes to my body are exciting/overwhelming at the same time and lastly, is the adjustments in my relationship.

The best way to handle these things I've realized is talking about it (imagine that?) and making time for myself.

I decided to blog about not just the amazing things pregnancy has offered me, but I wanted to share the challenges too... so for all of you who still have yet to be pregnant, don't feel alone! and hopefully it helps a little to know its all completely normal.
I've read blogs by other mothers, and they really helped shed some light on these problems because the majority of people deal with them.

Things that have helped:
-Relaxing. People say relaxing and many things come to mind, but the best way for me to relax has been by taking baths with some candles haha, and the lights off. It makes me feel at peace! weird? maybe, but afterwards I feel like a million times better
-Keeping Friends, Family and my Baby Daddy<3 in the loop. I go to different people with my different problems and it helps keep me on ground.

Today I feel like a million dollars, and am so proud of my family-to-be. :) I just wanted to ramble a little bit about the struggles that come with this sometimes.

20 Weeks-HALF WAY THERE!

2o weeks, We are HALF WAY THERE Ladies & Gents!

Just rambling for this week:

• I was so excited to take this picture because half-way there seems so surreal.
  
• This week I thought alot about where I'd be if i wasn't pregnant. I know girls my age live for going out, dressing all dolled up, impressing the boys, partying and I can't say I wouldn't be doing that If I wasn't pregnant......but I feel like I have so much to live for now. A meaning, obviously but I'm so happy and content with my life. Getting pregnant at a young age can be difficult, and I can totally see where girls would struggle because you see everyone doing one thing, and you are forced to do another, but trust me...if you ever get to that point: be thankful! This life is one thousand times better.
  
• On the controversy, this week I started getting morning sickness? MORNING SICKNESS AT 6 MONTHS? come again please?!?! but yes. I started throwing up pretty bad after meals that were a bit spicy, and this morning I had my first official freak out which almost had me at the hospital. Jeff and I got smoothies because I thought drinking those would be more beneficial and ease the nauseousness, than I got to work and ate some faustos.... within minutes I was literally passing out and puking everywhere so I called the doctor ASAP and contemplated all day whether to go to the hospital. Luckily I had some nice co-workers help calm me down untill the doctor called me back which revealed I wasn't on that great of a diet & that was it. She said stop all dairy products and spicy food.......wahhhhhhh.......and cut down on sugar. Although this sucks because if you know me, spicy food, ice cream and milk are my FAV's, it's worth it. Let's see how I do! Hopefully no more scares.
  
• I'm really thinking about doing the babies room in safari theme! I love these particularly:
  
  I think I could work with this and make it TO DIE FOR cute :)
• Last but not least, work! ahhhh....exhausting. I've been putting way too much in lately, and I'm very thankful for my job, but I'm in desperate need for just some time AWAY. I put in for a week off starting next week, and I am already pumped about it and started planning loads of things I've been wanting to do forever now. I really need to learn how to manage my time and stop putting work above everything. It's important, but in the long run, school and family and house work and things like that need to get done just as much.
  

19 weeks

So this week I didn't get to do my chalkboard picture. Reason being is I'm spending time at my dads, so I decided just to do some quick snap shots of my bare belly :)

My baby

Due Date: July 20^th, 2012

Do you know the sex? A fabulous little boy

Any names? We love Conner and Caden! I’m sure the list will build, but when I’m talking about him, I refer to him as Conner….so………:D

Any Ultrasounds? We have one this week, So excited! I’ve had two, one when we first found out and one when we found out the sex. Each time he looks so different, but what else can I expect…it’s because he’s growing and looking more and more human each time! Last time he definitely looked a little like a Alien……hope that’s changed hahah!

Have you heard the heart beat? Of course we have! We hear it at every appointment and I’m never tired of it.

Who do you think it will look like? I haven’t really thought of this much yet which is surprising to me. Jeff said he had my nose in our last ultrasound and then I totally saw it, so I’m hoping a little bit of both.

Will the baby have siblings? He better have siblings, just not for a couple years! Life is so unexpected so you never know what is to come, but I want a couple years in between each other so I have quality time with each one and I also think that’s a good age gap between the few.

Have you felt the baby move? I THINK so! I’m pretty positive I’ve felt him a couple times, but they are so short and weak that I can’t really describe it. It almost feels like your stomach is about to growl, but it doesn’t. It just beats in these couple spots a few times and then it’s over. Weird!

Are you ready for a baby? Ohhhhhhhhhh boy, how do you answer this question? Is anyone ever ready? I’m definitely not rushing this pregnancy at all, I need the time to adjust and mature and just adapt to all these changes. When you think of 9 months, you think you have forever in front of you……….but than it comes…and months pass by….and before you know it your half way there! It really seems like just yesterday I was partying with friends and worrying about the stupid stuff like drama, gossip, shopping……now I have a new life in front of me that takes some getting used to. It has so many more things to offer and I wouldn’t change being pregnant for the world, but I just want to enjoy the time I have to get ready. For now, I say Nooo I am not ready for a baby…but I am getting there!

Do you talk to the baby? Eh, not really. I rub “him”, but I think once he starts kicking, I’ll feel a lot more connected and everything will feel a lot more real. Than I’ll talk to him until the sun goes down and rises in the morning.

Do you still feel attractive? I always thought that I would embrace pregnancy and have a glow to me that was apparent to everyone. Not really the case though. I do have days where I feel cute and I have days when I feel like I got run over by a train. It just depends on my mood. This week I got all dressed up and took pictures JUST to remind myself I’m a mother now yes, but I’m still me and It’s important to feel worthy and feel good about yourself. I hope I’ll be “glowing” one day soon